Families that wire together, fire together...
Navigating identities rooted in the past...
Families that wire together fire together.
Hi Friends,
I started this email last week to you all as a personal reflection of my own process preparing for a gathering with family... and it did turn out to be a wonderful time):
I’m gearing up, physically, emotionally and mentally for a family reunion…some members reuniting after years of estrangement.
As I prepare for this, I realize tendencies to project.
We all do this.
We project on the present moment, on our expectations, on our future, imagining our past version of ourselves. By doing so, we also project upon others their past versions as we saw them through our past limited lens.
Here's an example of how a projection might play out:
Have you ever been in a family dynamic in which you either witnessed or felt yourself get defensive? This defense is locked in the past, in a wound of needing to protect yourself or of disappointment in not being seen, in a projection upon the other and what you assume (based on your own lens of the situation, based on the past) and FEEL they meant.
The defensive response keeps you locked into the past energy- whether your assumption was "correct" or not doesn't matter.
What DOES matter is how this reaction only fuels the same old state of being- one that replays the same thoughts and emotions to result in the same state of frustration, disappointment, and possibly resentment.
All of these meanings are encapsulated in the past, not the present.
As long as you replay the same record, you are living your past version of yourself, and doing so habitually, unconsciously.
And there IS a good reason you are…. Before you knew better, you established an identity based on all the information, experiences, and primal needs you had to be safe, be protected, and be loved/approved. There is nothing WRONG with this. It is merely outdated, unhelpful, and likely no longer serving you.
Instead, affirm that you get to show up more consciously as the whole true person with whom you cherish and deeply identify.
As the summer progresses, many of us are spending time with family, friends, and perhaps even seeing people we haven’t seen in decades. While we may need to “protect our energy,” we also need to harness a conscious awareness and seat of compassionate understanding. To ensure we aren’t sent off into unconsciously driven trigger spells, it’s critical that we draw present awareness to the situation. Stop. Be in the body. Breathe. Feel yourself grounded, rooted, secure in the earth. Allow the past energies to arise and be gentle and curious as they do.
If you're triggered, or if someone says or does something that makes you feel yet again “unseen,” it is merely because they are projecting their past self onto you- and seeing YOU as your past self, not the evolved version you are becoming and stepping into. This is a beautiful opportunity to show up for yourself, allowing the feelings, emotions, and experiences to shine light on your own evolution. Practice releasing judgments of others based on their past self, and open to the uncertainty of the moment-… the wisdom in the UNKNOWN.
It is in the unknown that we grow and change.
So... whether you feel triggered as mom rolls her eyes at you when you share the new thing you’re doing for yourself… or, your sister finishes your sentences and scrambles to keep everything upbeat, or your brother steamrolls the conversation,… or, dad avoids hard conversations at all costs, and retreats… or maybe you don’t have a family unit to refer to, but you know how it feels surrounded by friends or colleagues… when it all feels SOOOOO familiar…
… at the very least, remind yourself that...
“We all just seem to be projecting our past selves in this space, unconsciously.”
And then, choose - as you observe - to notice the feelings that arise… be with the child who wants to take the lead, the subconscious habits and mindsets that can so easily follow, and shower love on it all as you choose YOUR state of being, embodied, clear, stable, calm, present, and fully conscious …
YOU are amazing in your conscious awareness to choose a new way, to truly step into the UNKNOWN that will feel different as you untangle from the familiar patterns. Stick with it. You are creating new pathways in your brain for showing up as your full true self.
Your subconscious will only assist you as you do so.
And, oh yes… PLEASE… take a walk... or better yet, a hike... if you need to.
Let know how this message lands for you! Just reply to this email with any resonance, questions, thoughts... I'd love to hear from you!
xoxoxo
