The glimmer in the eye...
“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal.”
– Don Miguel Ruiz
Recently, standing next to my youngest daughter, Cora (6 years old), in the bathroom as we both looked into the mirror, I noticed the sweetest glimmer in her eye as she caught her own gaze. Sure, she is a Leo, so she comes by that honestly. Yet, it was the smile she gave herself, the unencumbered connected “of course I’m beautiful” smile that stuck with me. And I couldn’t be more relieved, more happy, more receptive to her wisdom.
She met herself with a full embrace through her gaze, an ease and grace in seeing herself, purely accepting and celebrating.
I spent many years loathing my reflection in the mirror, only seeing what needed to be fixed, what wasn’t enough, what didn’t measure up… and I know far too many women who struggle with their reflection, who avoid it… who cast evil glares… who state, “I just can’t even look at myself in the mirror,” OR, “If I say something kind to myself in the mirror, then it’s a lie.” These are the stories absorbed as truth, beliefs that inform perception and limit possibility. This disconnection and distasteful relationship we adopt is reinforced day after day… unless we consciously and courageously meet ourselves with love and acceptance, unless we rewrite the story to encompass expansive love.
This isn’t simply about looking in the mirror; it is about embracing ourselves fully in all aspects of our lives. Allowing our worth to begin within and emanate out. Through my formative years, while I despised my reflection, I was certainly capable of living life in ways that defined my worth. I turned the mirror away from myself and focused on being selfless, sacrificial, and equated my role and purpose with deferring my power in order to allow others to shine. This was a belief with sets of “rules” … all of which placed relating to myself with love and acceptance as unnecessary and contingent upon other factors… how “good” I was, for instance. So sure, this isn’t just about looking oneself in the mirror; it is about rewriting our stories to include ourselves as our greatest advocate and friend; It is about releasing the lies of perfection. It is about allowing ourselves to see the glimmer of the 6 year old in the mirror and KNOW she is right. She knows deeply how deserving you are... how natural it is to love yourself.
Self love may sound simple, trite, or maybe even self-indulgent…
But take a closer look.
What do you want to improve, shift, reprogram, change in your life?
If you cannot meet yourself with love, with respect, with trust and unwavering unconditional regard, then you will feel stuck.
You will be looking outside yourself, creating reward systems to motivate you, seeking easy plug-and-play solutions and ruminating over finding THE answer.
Self love is the foundation, the glue that holds you together in the midst of challenge. Self love is at the base of your healing and growth. It is at the root of your expansion, your resilience.
When you know you have your own back, you can trust yourself and do the work of healing, of moving beyond blocks, of embodying your best self from a certain home, an unshakable foundation, an unapologetic orientation to your goal.
But how can you cultivate self love? First, understand it is inherent. You have this within you- you were not born loathing yourself. You learned how to NOT love yourself. So now, you get to unlearn this.
Practice. Practice loving yourself how you love others, how you want to be loved. Practice being your best friend. Practice looking into your own eyes and saying, “I love you.” It will likely feel uncomfortable. So sit with that. Get curious about the discomfort. Allow it space to arise and for you to be with it rather than deny its potency. And trust…
“I am love. I allow love. I allow myself to love myself.”
The glimmer of the child is there. Trust it. Allow it to surface.
Create your home within. Establish a foundation for secure and sustainable healing. Start with loving yourself…
